'catch-22'

There are certain issues which always make me confused.i don't know ...why is it so much messed up?i still don't know should i ignore it and get more busy?should i think more n more of it?but one thing is sure ,i am not at all happy the way things are going...it sucks..it only makes me hate myself n others.i want to leave it but still i cant live without it.i dont feel happy being with it but still i long to be with it.i got so much to complain against it but still i am addicted to it.i dont know have i changed or do i need to change.how can the emotions n feelings suddenly sublimate.is it really mine?does it care for me?i only get a feeble reply.i am only messed up in the whirlwind of emotions n understanding.i dont cherish possessing it today but still i fear loosing it tomorrow.how can i hate it so repugnantly n love it so ardently at the same time.i miss those happy,cheerful n carefree days of mine.i am stressed n i am not at all loving it.i unlike my 'green-yellow ninja blood' just want to quit.i still dont know what to do. when i read this “maturity is achieved when a person postpones immediate pleasures for long-term values"...it only makes me think that there is a difference b/w being mature and foolish!n at this stage i only want to say.."maturity means knowing when to be immature" !!!!the phase is indeed terrible and painful.